i am currently seeking the following: a "cuddler."

must be 1) single or "recently" divorced, (stay with me)...(no baggage, only one carry-on. thank you. please take a seat.) 2) witty, in case during the midst of 'spooning' i'd like to hear a joke. thank you. 

3) able to go through metamorphosis, aka cocoon to a butterfly, tadpole to a frog, baby roach to papa cockroach. if you don't understand my gist, your application has most likely already been terminated. 4) versatile: when my feet are cold, yours must be hot. come on-ying and yang. get with it. 5) cannot snore like an asthmatic camel. i don't care if you suffer from sleep apnea; i suffer from good genetics, and therefore need beauty sleep. 6) cannot be found in various locations around my apartment: aka, watering my dead cactus, using my pink toothbrush, bubbling it up in my bathtub.a 'cuddler' remains in the bed, until told otherwise. (easy come, easy GO.) 7) non-dramatic. save the drama fo yo mama. my only circle of life contains simba, mufasa, and my girl nala. 8) polyamorous: aka responsible non-monogamy. aka bouquet of cuddlers; there may be times when i will be sick of you and will seek other 'cuddlers' either more cuddly, more attractive, more inquisitive. accept this. acknowledge this with a rejection of jealousy.9) a member of the department of transportation: when i say go home, you jump in car. 

the deleting game: a funny new way to tell your buddies, "hey fcku off, and the horse you rode in on." in today's day, confrontations are unnecessary; civilization is unnecessary; relationships are nothing but cold, broken pizza. 

when my mother was in her mid 20s, any quarrels she encountered were either dismantled by the traditional hair-pulling method, the nasty note leaving method, or the IM GONNA FCKU YOU UP because my father's in the MAFIA method. hell, today? we delete. that's right. one simple push of the button, and you're gone. poof, bye bye. whether this mechanism is used on facebook, myspace, twitter, or any sort of instant messenger, including BBM--deleting has become the new solution to violence, if i must say so myself. 

hello, YOU are no longer good enough to be a part of my social network, so to hell with you and checking my status updates, my current location, or my new pics, because GOD knows you wished you never deleted me because you're dying to see if i'm now fat, ugly, or simply over YOU. and when everything dwindles down and becomes peaceful again, BAM you now have a new friend request, a new 'so and so would like to add you to his or her blackberry messenger list,' etc.. it's another way of telling you, 'hey every little thing is gonna be alright. welcome back.' 

sick game, stupid lamb.