suckers: aka, men who hit on waitresses.

dear 'dear' idiots,

this letter is to confirm why hitting on a waitress will get you nowhere in life.you're already inside the bar,and after a few drinks, and a lot of staring into the eyes of a beautiful woman,men tend to believe such folk are truly interested in their well-being. well, this is where you go wrong.you know the song, 'i'm only happy when it rains'..garbage isn't it? anyway,women who provide their services at a restaurant, a bar, or a nightclub do just that:provide service with an undefinable dose of charm that will knock any MORON off his feet.it's not only hereditary, it's practically a form of GEN(E)-ius...you tip us,we tip you.happy birthday, now go home.

THIS IS AN ACTUAL, REAL-LIFE EMAIL:

Hi,

this email is sent on the basis that your name is ....and you work at... if you are not please delete this email and i apologize for wasting your time.if you are please read on you may find this amusing.

Dear _____,

i am somewhat bemused by the situation in which i find myself.unless i have had a total brain snap something has gone radically wrong after out conversation on saturday night.and, not believing your average bloke with no ego i just need to get to the bottom of the issue.

1) i left the club with the impression that we were both interested in catching up.

2) i have to say (and this is not just the vodka red bulls) but i also left with the impression that you were a pretty spectacular sort of person-charming, down to earth, witty, and most of all, genuine.

3) i was also of the belief that we were going to chat in a more civilized fashion on monday.

since then i have tried to call on a few occasions and sent a couple of texts but have failed to make contact. now here comes the amusing bit. a man of lesser ego (some would say arrogance) would just put this down to:

1) "it was late night nightclub talk and ____ is not really interested."

2) "_____ is currently dating the quarterback for the miami dolphins."

3) "she had to talk to me i was blocking the bar."

4) "her best friend thought i was a dork. (i dont think she did, by the way,  i think she thought i was pretty cool."

but, my mind couldn't accept any of these because, after all im ____ _____. and im thinking

1) there is a problem with my stupid australian phone and its not getting through.

2) she accidently gave me the wrong number.

3) she thinks im the sort of guy who constantly gets numbers in nightclubs from random girls.

4) he's not serious,he lives in NY and sydney, there must be a 1000 girls on his list...

etc.

WORD TO THE WISE, AND THE 'UN-WISE,' WAITRESSES ARE LIKE SALESPERSONS.WE MAKE YOU BELIEVE WE LIKE YOU SO YOU BUY THE BEST AND MOST EXPENSIVE THING OUT THERE, SO WE CAN MAKE MONEY OFF OF YOU.IT'S KINDA LIKE THE GAME OF USING.KEEP YOUR GUN IN YOUR PANTS, AND A STRAW IN YOUR MOUTH KIDS...THESE TYPES OF LADIES AREN'T BUDGING FOR ANYONE.GOOD DAY.