Chapter 1 Page 1 Paragraph 1

On the outside we may look light, dripping of sugar and saccharine--we may even be corn-fed. But in our hearts we're dark and cynical and dangerous. We want others to humor us and tell us we're Anna Magnani and Grace Kelly--to tell us anything but the truth. We want to do different things and be better people but we're going to keep on doing the same old things. We're going to be the same old people clinging to our destructive and mutilating habits because our emotional tie to them is so goddamn strong. This is all we have; this is what we long for.


If only life could be more like the movies, where we fall in love in the hands of characters who are hell-bent on pity and survival, suicide and love. In Closer, Larry loves everything about Alice that hurts, because without forgiveness, we're savages. We're drowning and the punk stage before us is collapsing and eventually we realize that everything is a version of something else. We're phenomenal; we're clever; we're deceiving but we're exquisite. And we're in for a long wait.
In Meet Joe Black, love is passion and obsession and something we can't live without. We learn to forget our heads, to listen to our hearts, to make the journey and fall deeply in love. We learn to love making love to someone much more than peanut butter, and better dressed in a black suit. In Vanilla Sky we learn the pleasure of Sofia Serrano and that every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around. And even in another life when we're all cats, the saddest girl to ever hold a martini will eventually open her eyes to only realize that the sweet is never sweet without the sour. She knows the sour. We know the sour. I know the sour. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Open you...


We're wasted and we taste it, our broad nipple is burning but it feels good. It tastes so good. And eventually we all return to the same old lipstick shades and sunglasses, with the same great expectations and cruel intentions. Eventually we realize the only way we can declare our autonomy is to be bad, because bad is where it's at. Bad is such a good thing. Because eventually we do change, but we do it ever so lightly. So don't fucking move.


Don't look at me that way.